I’m gonna be honest, things aren’t going great for me right now.
I try not to get too down on my blog because over time I’ve shifted into being less personal about my life and more semi-professional and focused on books and whatever else. Especially when my personal stuff is so complicated and depressing. But ultimately I am not a company churning out content, I’m a person. (A person who might get self-conscious and delete all of this in three days. It feels more suited to social media than my book blog, but I just end up feeling worse when I use any social media now except Tumblr. But I digress.)
My life is getting harder, and now there’s a plumbing problem with the house (don’t even know how bad it is yet), and between that, and my various health problems, and being trapped in an environment that my body cannot handle, and barely getting any actual rest, and covid that the world is pretending doesn’t exist, and the stress of other things, and knowing there is realistically no solution for my health with my specific combination of problems and situation and the way the healthcare system is… It’s getting harder to, well, not “pretend things are ok.” I haven’t been doing that. But harder to talk about books and movies and games and other things. It feels sort of fake. Like, my life is falling apart, why does this even matter? I don’t even know how much longer I’ll be able to do this, so what’s the point? I know that logically I’m stuck with this life, so the best I can do is at least try to find things that bring me joy when and where I’m able to, while I’m still able to. It’s harder than it sounds though. I’m also just so exhausted. Physically and mentally. Even watching a half hour show is too exhausting or too painful for my head or too hard to focus on some days, and those are still my relatively “good” days when I’m not sick, haven’t just gone to an appointment, etc. And it’s only going to get worse.
Fourteen years I’ve been chronically ill and collecting more and more problems and trying to keep going and finding joy, despite everything. It wears you down over time. Especially when you don’t have a support system. I know a few of you care, and that does mean something to me, but it’s not enough to fix things, you know?
I don’t want to give up my blog though. Not yet, at least. I’m still trying. I just sometimes go a week or two without posting because I don’t feel up to it or didn’t read a book that I liked, and it is what it is. Maybe that will just make it more special when I do post.
I don’t really have anything else to report. Oh, I did watch the movie Wicked. It was enjoyable, obviously great costumes and choreographies and all that, but it wasn’t particularly memorable for me. Though I do have one of the songs stuck in my head now that I’m talking about it, because when I was in 10th grade, we used three of the songs in a show I was in, and you never forget the lyrics to songs you’ve heard 7000 times lol.
A bit random, but does anyone have any funny, chill sorta podcasts you recommend?
One little good thing is that I did get a gorgeous book in the mail, but you’ll have to wait for my review or next month’s update to see it because I didn’t get a photo yet.
Blog/Bookish Updates:
Nothing this month.
Books I Received for Review:
Ok, well, this is the book I got in the mail, spoiler for that surprise 😅 But you’ll just have to look at the ebook cover for now.
Books I Finished:
If you’re considering buying any of these books from Amazon, I’d really appreciate if you’d use my affiliate link!
In the Lives of Puppets by TJ Klune – A bit of a rough start, but I was enjoying the fun adventure and sweet characters once I got further in.
Dauntless Summer by Emmaline Strange – A fun hate-to-love queer fantasy romance.
(Side Note: Do I have to keep saying when the books I read are queer? 99% of what I read is queer, it would be easier to just say when it’s not lol.)
Kit & Basie by Tess Carletta – I had a couple issues, but I mostly enjoyed this. It was a calm and sweet lightly fantasy romance about a person who was mostly just a normal guy aside from being immortal.
Phantom and Rook by Aelina Isaacs – There were a lot of characters to remember and fantasy things that weren’t explained (the audiobook doesn’t have the index stuff) and the story wasn’t very focused. But it was a pretty chill fantasy story, and I might be willing to give the second book a try if it gets an audiobook.
I’m so sorry that life keeps picking on you like this 😔 if you’re comfortable, you can always use your blog as a sort of journal to write what’s on your mind, your experiences with X and etc instead of being solely books?
Thanks <3 I'm thinking of making some new social accounts to be able to talk about this sorta stuff, since I don't really want to use my blog for that, but it always feels like so much work.
That’s fair
<3
As you said, there’s nothing concrete I can offer you but I know we, your followers care and think about you often. I’m just sorry things keep going in an even more impossible direction.
You and I have very different tastes, so I don’t know if you’ll like this but I’ve been watching Honeysuckle on YouTube. She actually has a cookbook but I watch because she makes all the viral Tik Tok recipes – to varying success lol https://www.youtube.com/@honeysuckle She’s just so real about it and so upbeat and I just need a little of that each day now.
Thanks <3
Funnily enough, YouTube started recommending me her videos recently and I do watch them sometimes. They're chill, and yeah I also like that she's realistic about the recipes but still has fun.
I feel so bad your life is such a struggle, chronic issues are tough to work with especially knowing it will never fully go away. And knowing things will only get worse is so demotivating. Please let me know if there’s something I can do to help or even if you just want to talk to someone. And I know how hard it to so find a support system when you barely have enough energy to keep your life together.
I can’t wait to read Love at Second Sight, I pre-ordered the audio and plan to listen to that when it releases, I look forward to hearing what you think of it. I don’t have any chill podcast recommendations, I mostly listen to neurodivergent podcasts. I can recommend The Cozy Creative on Youtube, she’s an author talking about the creative life and such and her videos are always very chill to listen to. I mostly listen to them instead of watching.
Thanks, I appreciate the offer to help or listen <3
I finished the book already and really liked it, so I'll be getting my review posted soon! Sounds like a neat channel, I'll check it out 🙂
You can use the blog to talk about things that affect you and how you feel. It doesn’t have to be just about books. It can be whatever you want. I go through stages where I just can’t churn out reviews, for myriad reasons. Listen to your body and don’t push through the tougher days, rest as best you can.
I understand how it feels in a world supposedly post COVID, because it is not post CV-19 at all. Our lives have changed irreparably because of it.
I hope some of the better days roll along for you for a while and you feel better, Kit.
It really isn’t post-covid and the fact that people pretend it is just makes our lives so much harder and more at risk. Thanks, hope things aren’t going too bad for you or that you also get some better days <3