*I received an audio copy of this book via NetGalley. This has not influenced my review.*

I went into this expecting a fast-paced, action-packed sci-fi thriller. Instead, it turned out to be a rather slow-paced, character-focused, internal thoughts/emotions kinda book. The whole first half was basically the main character finding out about this future telling machine and alternate realities, falling in love, and realizing how those things were changing him, plus some explanations about things from his past that affected him. Even when they started jumping to different realities, there’d be a brief bit of action or excitement, then an expanse of relative calm as they learned about the situation in the new place and tried to figure out what they were gonna do. This isn’t a bad thing though! I enjoyed being able to actually get to know the main character and understand how everything was affecting him.

I also enjoyed having a protagonist who was flawed but still someone I could root for. He’d made mistakes in his past. He’d hurt people. He was selfish sometimes. He made some questionable decisions. But there were people he cared deeply for. He seemed to try and look for the best in people. He could reflect on his own actions and feelings and realize when he’d done wrong. He wasn’t perfect. But he wasn’t bad either. At least, I don’t think he was.

The slow pace also let the love story and emotions within it come through. I think I would’ve liked seeing a bit more of the time they spent together, talking or hanging out, but I did believe the love between them, and especially the love Hayes had for Yusuf.

There weren’t actually that many, but the alternate realities they visited were fascinating. Not so much the worlds themselves (they were fairly similar to ours), more the situations they found themselves in where they landed and the different versions of themselves they met and what their lives were like. And how, in all these adjacent realities, Hayes and Yusuf always ended up together (even if it worked out better for some of the couples than others). And the ending was especially interesting.

This is a book you can enjoy for the story just as it is, or it’s one you can really think about. Were Hayes’s actions wrong? Would you have done the same? Who was really to blame? That sort of thing. Here are some of my thoughts. *SPOILER* I know some of these were touched upon in the book, I’m not claiming to have thought of all this myself. I do think though, if Yusuf living would cause Tiago and billions of people to die, because of the zero sum equilibrium thing, it only makes sense that, if Yusuf died and Tiago lived, billions of people in that other reality would have died instead. So either way, billions of innocent people are dying. How can anyone decide which are more deserving to live? Why is it any worse for billions to die on one reality as opposed to another? Just because one of them is the way things were originally going to happen? I don’t think that would make any difference to any of the people who end up dying or losing someone. Also, if anyone deserves the most blame, it’s Figueiredo. He’s the one who created all the machines and sent them off into other realities. For all we know, he did something to cause a change that led to all the people dying in the first place. Kaori also deserves blame for how she manipulated everyone and everything around her, which led to Hayes and Yusuf being there with the machine. Originally, I felt like I understood both Kaori and Hayes. Obviously I can understand why someone would save the person they love, even if it meant sacrificing others, especially when that sacrifice felt so vague and distanced. But I can also understand wanting to put things right and save billions of people at the expense of one. But the more I learned and understood, the more I was on Hayes’s side. It didn’t seem there would be any way to actually save those billions of people, it’s impossible to choose which reality’s people should face that consequence, and Hayes didn’t set out to do this. Other people made bad decisions and manipulated him into the whole thing, put him in this situation, and all he did was save his lover. And you know what? I don’t think it was selfish to not tell Yusuf. Almost no one would be like, “Yeah, sure, let billions of people die so I can live!” You would either sacrifice yourself, or you’d spend the rest of your life miserable and hating yourself if you didn’t. I think most people, deep down, would simply rather not know. I don’t normally condone lying, but by keeping it from Yusuf, I feel like Hayes was actually doing him a favor and taking the burden himself. *END SPOILER*

There was some diverse rep. Both Hayes and Yusuf were gay and POC. Yusuf might’ve been neurodivergent too, though no specific label was used.

I enjoyed the audiobook narration by Tom Picasso. Everything sounded natural, it seemed to suit the main character well, and different characters sounded not drastically different but different enough to keep track of.

Overall, this was a book with imperfect characters, interesting sci-fi elements, a very character-focused story, and a love story that will make you think.

*Rating: 3.5 Stars // Read Date: 2022 // Format: Audiobook*