I truly do not think I’ve ever used “changed my brain chemistry” before, but this feels like the right time. It feels accurate.

For anyone who doesn’t know, Heated Rivalry is a m/m romance between two closeted hockey players who also have a big rivalry pushed by the media. And this part of the story covers their almost ten-year situationship that starts as just sex but turns into deeper feelings.

I initially had no interest in it because I’m not into sports romance, but I kept seeing posts and interviews and clips of the show (I knew every major spoiler before I even watched it), so finally I caved and paid for a month of HBO Max. My plan was to watch Heated Rivalry one time and Our Flag Means Death one time. Instead, I watched HR five times, finally made myself watch OFMD, then watched HR two more times.

This is such a weird post for me because this is supposed to be a sci-fi/fantasy book and game blog, but whatever. I have rambling that I have to get out 😅

Ok, so first, if you don’t know what the show is, here’s the official trailer:

And here’s a fan edit I like, because those are more fun than trailers, make sure you turn the sound on (hidden because I can’t stop the autoplay and it has some flashing / quick cuts):

I try not to get into it here because I don’t want to bring down the vibe of my blog, but I’m really scared about my future because of health issues, and that’s all I can think about all the time. I’m also stressed about a million other things and exhausted and usually have headaches. It’s gotten hard to focus on anything, really. So when I find something that completely absorbs my attention, so much so that I stop everything else I’m doing, stop multitasking, and just get lost in the thing, that’s significant. And that’s what happened to me with this show. Not even just the first time. Every time, I still wanted to stop everything and just stare at the screen. All throughout the show there are scenes that have me leaning closer and closer to the screen because I’m so absorbed, and then they finish and cut to something else or zoom out or the mood shifts, and it feels like I just came out of a trance. It’s like when you’re reading a good book and forget you’re actually just in your room and all the sudden you look up. Usually after a few watches, things start to lose some of their emotional impact, but not this. I think I feel things more with each rewatch.

I’m not going to get too deep into character and story stuff (I do that more on Tumblr where I don’t have to worry about spoilers), but they are the backbone that makes this show so wonderful. This story has angst and tension and sex and yearning and sweetness and joy and love. These characters have depth and growth.

One thing that makes this show so phenomenal though is the way every aspect of it comes together. The aforementioned story and characters, which are of course thanks to Rachel Reid who wrote the books (I haven’t read them, but none of this would exist without her), as well as to Jacob Tierney who adapted it into the show. But I am also so impressed with the acting, especially the two main actors (Hudson Williams and Connor Storrie). All the tiny little facial expressions and body language and mannerisms, the way Hudson can convey the most nuanced of emotions with his face, the way Connor can transform his whole demeanor. There’s also lighting, and things like how intimate scenes between Shane and Ilya tend to be a lot darker at the start and then become brighter with more light as they realize they want their relationship to be more open and real. There’s the music and sound, things like how significant some lyrics are, how environmental sounds will fade out to show how lost they are in each other, how good the song choices are at enhancing the emotions. Then there’s the camera work and editing and costumes and everything else. Things that I normally don’t even notice or think about but have started to pay attention to.

The other thing is the details. Symbolism, parallels between the first and last episode, things like that, sure. But also the detail in every moment. Like how, after a certain scene in a locker room, Shane is sitting there and only starts putting on his shoes the moment Ilya rounds the corner. It’s not real life, they could’ve cut and timed it so that Shane just was putting on his shoes at the moment Ilya walked over. But this timing, which I didn’t even notice when I first watched, was done on purpose. Because it shows how much Shane wanted to talk to Ilya but wanted to make it look like he wasn’t purposely waiting, so he needed the excuse of not being done dressing yet. I also didn’t notice the first time how Ilya sort of rushes around the corner to see if Shane is still there and then immediately plays it cool.

That’s part of why I keep rewatching it. So that I can make sure to see every character’s face, every little movement, everything in the background or sound, all the little details. There are things I didn’t even notice until my 6th time watching. There are things I didn’t notice at all and only learned about them through other people!

When I say this show changed my brain chemistry, it’s not just the story and the characters. This show also has me listening to interviews with the actors, the author, the showrunner, the intimacy coordinator—where are the editors and costume designers and lighting people and camera people, can we get some interviews with them too? I want to know more about everything. Over the years I think I became more disenchanted with shows and movies because so much of what I saw was mediocre, but I feel like I have a newfound appreciation for the TV/film medium in general because of this show.

I’m sure all of this sounds very, “No, I swear I’m not just watching it for the sex scenes!” Those are hot, obviously, but. One of the best scenes in the whole season is one of the actors doing a three minute monologue in Russian, which he does not speak in real life, because it’s so emotional. (My #1 favorite scene, right now, is the “I love you,” confessions. I want to inject that one into my brain.) And to give credit where credit is due, the sex scenes are incredibly well-done too. The more I’ve learned about the filming of those types of scenes, the more impressed I am. Those cannot be easy for actors. And they are so important to the story.

The show also made me laugh out loud numerous times, which is another thing that doesn’t happen very often anymore. Also another thing that I swear increases every time I watch. Somehow, it’s getting funnier. (Here are my favorite funny Ilya quotes.)

I don’t have a single criticism of this show. Not a single moment of it is wasted. Every scene is exactly what it needs to be and never overstays its welcome. Every time, I’m excited for this scene, and as soon as that ends, excited for the next one, and so on. And every time I see a clip online, I’m like, “Well now I need to rewatch the whole show, because watching just that clip isn’t enough, I need to see it within the context of everything else.” Truly this show has done something to not just my brain but everyone else’s too because I’ve seen so many people who feel the same way and can’t stop rewatching it.

Have I just not paid enough attention to other shows to notice all the details? Am I overselling this and now everyone who watches it will be disappointed because there’s no way it can live up to this? Maybe 😅 But this is how I genuinely feel!

Actually, I do have two complaints. 1) It’ll be a while before Season 2 is out. And 2) It’s only available on streaming right now, not available for purchase, and I am not going pay for this service year-round. I guess the waiting in between subscriptions will just make it more immersive, all the yearning I will feel.

Honestly, watching this felt like the most productive thing I’ve done in a while because spending hours just being distracted and enjoying my time was an improvement over what I’ve been doing lately. Never let anyone tell you time you enjoy is time wasted, and do check out the show if you’re on the fence or if you like really angsty, yearning-filled, NSFW gay romance that also has a lot of emotion and heart and tender moments!

Here’s a link to the book and a link to the show on Amazon (though you’ll still need HBO Max even if you have Prime).

Anyway, now for some more videos, I guess?

If you don’t mind spoilers, this is one of the clips that initially caught my attention:

If you’ve already seen the show, this video is very funny:

If you’ve ever wondered about the filming of sex scenes, this is a fascinating interview with the intimacy coordinator:

This is a hockey podcast that apparently just got really into the show, and their reactions to episodes and their interviews with the showrunner (Jacob Tierney) and the author (Rachel Reid) are so funny, and they ask some interesting questions:

This is just a fun mash-up of clips of the two lead actors being ridiculous in interviews:

This is another great edit, warning again for quick cuts / flashing:

And since that one makes it look very intense, here’s one to end the post with a little more sweetness: